Douglas Robbins

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Rhymes with Lake Mallhoe

April 26, 2013 by Douglas Robbins

An excerpt from the upcoming Emerging Human

Outside of Lake Tahoe with picturesque scenery, Jennifer and I ride into town hoping for a unique old American frontier. We come around the last bend seeking refuge for the night after a long day’s ride out of California. We throttle down into a traffic jam of busses and rv’s. We crawl to ten miles an hour, then five. I have to keep my legs down and feet gliding over the pavement.

There is an Applebees on every corner, an Olive Garden and a Casino. Inauthentic America, all corporate and overrun with clichéd stores and shopping: Padagonia, Gap, Starbucks. This is America. This is our capitalism. Mom and pop shops are no where to be found. So here is some prepackaged authenticity and a cookie cutter dream. There is nothing unique or special as we suck up bus fumes and sit at light after light after light. Corporate machines behind the brick, stone and wood facades. We were hoping for a scenic town of wooden cowboys and working saloons not to mention a thick juicy steak.

I would twist the throttle of my 650 but there are lights and weekend warriors and fat families eating ice cream cones crossing the street in front of us. We all stare at each other waiting for the light to change. Five miles of it. Ten miles of it. I can’t take it after the freedoms of twisting roads and plateaus leading to the deep sky while sandstone, pine, horse and goat farms ran alongside us. There was space to be found in the hills and tall grass. There was a silence except for the howling sixth gear of the engine. Every man needs space. Every man needs silence. There was crisp air that we craved. We can’t stay here, I thought to myself. I can’t think here. I can’t breathe here. Even though we are tired and asses hurt we must keep riding.

Twenty minutes later we take a right turn on the state road on the outskirts of town after forty minutes of corporate bullshit. We scurry up the mountain side in a cool burst of engine combustion. A half hour later in quiet Carson City we shut the bike engine off at a Best Western where two other cars sit in the parking lot. The dry grass hillsides wave in the afternoon sun. We check in for sixty bucks. I roll the bike over to our room. Jennifer and I throw our bike bags on the bed and head back out hearing the click of the door lock.

With grumbling in our stomachs we walk next door to Grandma Hainies Kitchen, for some chicken fried steak, their specialty, a root beer and a salad. That night we slept like the dead in the comforting peace of our minds. I dreamt of being on the road still moving along the contours and natural landscape with the kind azure sky welcoming us.

 

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Blue Ridge Birthday Blog

April 19, 2013 by Douglas Robbins

Short blog this week folks. For my 42nd birthday I am hopping on the motorcycle with my lady and heading to Asheville, NC to ride the scenic Blue Ridge Mountains…

I don’t want to die unfulfilled. This notion has haunted me since I was conscious. I didn’t have the words back then, when I was young, small and insecure, but I had the sensation and the sense. I don’t want to get to the end having lived someone else’s life. It burns like a fuse to fulfill what aches in my soul. Beyond the thickets and hardships and distractions there is a reservoir of light to dive into on a hot day after an arduous and relentless hike. Yet for me it can only be found by fulfilling a purpose and that purpose is where I find God.

This is the reason I have quit jobs, often did poorly in school, didn’t marry, didn’t compromise, because I could not, would not, take my soul’s eye, mind’s eye, and heart, off of the path.

I was in the garage yesterday and stumbled upon old pictures of myself as a boy, maybe three or four years old. There was one of me standing in our side yard next to the short row of pine trees.  I had a thick head of hair and a bowl haircut while sporting my brown jacket that displayed colorful geometric shapes. It was one of my favs. The jacket that is, not the bowl haircut. But I had the burden in those anguished brown eyes, that same weight I have sitting here and writing this. And it is only with action and fulfillment do I free myself.

 

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Motorcycling & Movement

April 12, 2013 by Douglas Robbins

When the world eats at my sanity and pisses me off or I just need to stop seeing the same four walls of my home office, I walk into the garage to fire up the red 2006 Suzuki V-Strom 650. Often I need movement to flush the stagnant puddle of my mind.

When the sun is shining and it’s warm enough, I hop on the bike, pull in the clutch, lift the gear arm with my left foot and pop it into first. Like a baby needing to be soothed the movement helps me de-stress and gets me focused on the moment and simpler things.

With the engine revving under me and the handle bar grips held tight the intensity of the movement begins rocking me into a state of focus. With my mind alert and my life on the line, the bills, incompetent politics of the world, my own incompetence and bad decisions, fade away, while frustrations are kept at bay. The senses heighten with each gear and each bend as I leave the neighborhood seeking my favorite windy roads at the state park a few miles away. There are no intersections at the park, no stops signs, no lights. I carve up the mountainside leaning in and breathing deep.

I twist the throttle under my wrist increasing speeds then easing off the gas and popping the bike into another gear moving faster feeling the wind, tasting the air.

It is a meditation and therapy to be on a motorcycle. Ideas are figured out while pure focus and survival instincts lock in. Ideas that were stuck in the brain get clarified while ones that weighed upon my soul just minutes earlier get left on the roadway. Patterns and stuck feelings loosen. There is a feeling of comfort riding the earth’s welcoming bosom.

I must focus completely while riding a motorcycle for my life is on the line. Everything from gravel to sticks to squirrels to bad inattentive drivers is the enemy.

Unlike a car where small mistakes often have no results, or a possible fender bender, a mistake on a bike can be death if I am not riding with eyes wide and mind alert scanning the road surface and sides for danger.

With each rotation of my wheels the contours of the road ease my mind. The world at that point can piss off. I grab the bike tighter with my legs to form a bond as we become one leaning above the mountain stream twenty feet below. The bike responds to my touch and tight control.

I am anonymous in my jacket and helmet with tinted shield and samurai graphics as I slice through the countryside.

Movement heals my wounds with each mile and twist of the throttle as I blend deeper into the wood and rock landscape. I ride everywhere I can whenever I can. There are always bills and other headaches to keep me going. Not that I need them to get me to ride. But luckily, the bike is always ready for a country road and I think enjoys the fresh air as much as I do.

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Driving, Justice, and Route 9

April 5, 2013 by Douglas Robbins

Everywhere I go in lower New York I see the police, not once in a while but every mile or two. They are driving the streets or sitting on the roadside watching our moves, pulling cars over, making money for the town and state. I never feel safer, but pass them feeling watched.

I may drift, or be in a rutted lane with potholes(as many roads have because of the lack of maintenance) shifting the car around concerned it will look like I’m driving drunk; or I may sneeze, or pick my nose, but usually nothing that warrants any attention from Johnny Law or at least, no attention is desired.

However, I often see police running stop lights themselves, flashing their lights, driving through, then shutting them off again, or making a u-turn in a no u-turn place. I also see a lot of cops driving with cell phones to their ears. I paid $115 last year for driving and talking without a hands-free device. And yet cops are enforcing the very laws they are breaking. We have all seen police cars burning down the highway doing 90 for no good reason at all. Just because they can.

My problem is these are the guys who are supposed to be upholding the law, and in certain ways should be better at it than anyone, because this is their job. Their job is justice. Like a preacher or religious leader, they should be the ones showing us all how to behave, but I guess religious leaders have abused their positions more times than any of us care to remember.

Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

I like police men and women. They have an honorable and dangerous job. Many of them take their power very seriously and respect what they do and have earned our thanks and trust.

Yet to be our best is something for us all to strive towards. If we fall short then so be it, but we have to at least shoot for the higher callings of our natures. That makes the world a better place and pushes it and us forward.

I feel so much less safe with so many cops. Yet they are simply doing the job they have been asked to do- even when they pull us over like it’s July 4th with lights flashing. A few weeks ago I was driving on Route 9 heading south around 11pm when two police cruisers rolled up quickly behind me as if they were bored and only keeping busy. I was nervous they were going to pull me over though I was doing the speed limit. Instead they pulled over an older model Nissan needing a little body work done. That guy was doing the speed limit too.

Obviously this is a way to make more money for the state after property taxes and states taxes and county taxes and 8% local sales taxes have dried up. And now there is a driving tax with lights and intimidation.

Around here I see a cop every mile or two. When I’ve been out west or deep into New England I’ve gone hours or days without seeing a cop.

Lastly, I see “Work Zone” signs all of the time, yet often see no work being done. Often orange cones sit passively without a road worker for miles. A work zone consists of actual work with actual men and women. Orange cones don’t work.

I’m saying we all need to try harder to be our best, to make this country better. It is too easy for laws to be passed that do not move us forward and instead manipulate the public. It appears easier to be our worst, but it eats at our country and us as individuals, like a virus. I am a fool hearty idealist, I know. It’s all I can be.

What are your thoughts on seeing more police driving the roads or work zones with no work? Please comment below.

 

 

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Traditional or Self Publishing?

March 29, 2013 by Douglas Robbins

After finishing my novel, The Reluctant Human, which I bared for many long years like a child that I needed to give birth to: I expected it to go straight to #1 (or a best sellers list at least). Oh wait, I needed to find a publisher first. Oh wait, I needed an agent. Oh wait, damn it, before that I needed “trusted” writer friends to read it.

After a few tweaks and changes and character arc alterations I called it done once again. I read some good advice in Stephen King’s great book On Writing. ‘If everyone has the same problem, change it. If everyone has a different concern, leave it alone.’ I applied that principle.

Anyway, I needed an agent. I wasn’t going to be some self-published guy. That was silly talk. I was a “real” writer. So I picked up the writer’s bibles for agents and publishing houses: Jeff Herman’s Guide To Agents and Writers Marketplace. I got myself a chicken parm sub from the local pizza joint and started reading about query letters.

Hmm, many agents weren’t interested in new writers and weren’t taking on new clients, but a few were. Hmm, most of those were Romance or YA agents yet I didn’t see anybody specifically listing “slice of life book regarding today’s modern struggle…” Anyway, I continued my search.

Hell, it was gonna be a long shot to find an agent…

My book didn’t really fit into any sort of “genre” literature, which made it even harder to find an agent. It was kind of a niche book: Half Henry Miller/Half Charles Bukowski with a sprinkle of Herman Hesse.

I decided on a few agents anyway, crafted a query letter and attempted to pitch my book. Almost every time however I had a problem with the email. It was sent too fast or formatting somehow got thrown off or it was deleted due to a “wandering mouse”. I sent off about a dozen. Then waited. Then waited some more. Got nothing. Then more of nothing.

At this time a friend mentioned a buddy of his who had sold a number of books on Amazon via KDP, which is their e-book sub-company. I spoke to his friend and gleaned whatever info I could.

He said to put it on KDP then keep looking for an agent. There is no commitment. I would keep 70% of royalties for e-books and owned the copyright. It was obvious what I should do and it took an instant. Well almost an instant. He said he made about $1500 the first month on KDP but less since then. I was in.

So I waited for agents but got rolling with KDP.

As writers, we bust our asses to write, quite often for years. Then traditionally we are supposed to send off query and follow up emails then wait for the crickets. In doing so, we give up all of our power to someone else. I received a few responses back “it will take several months to get back to you” is one of their pat responses. Or “Not for us”. Fine.

Agents were the gatekeepers. Not anymore. Really, what an agent does is solicit a publisher to get a piece published. Pretty simple. They take what they think they can sell to their often very select clients who only publish very specific things. That can take months or years or never. Now we wait longer? UGGH! What they think may be good or bad or sellable may have nothing to do with quality. Gone With The Wind was rejected over 40 times! Henry Miller was rejected for years. JK Rowling was rejected over a hundred times! Hmm, agents how many billions did you lose on those great decisions? Agents are readers just like you and me.

Everything that I have read about publishers (the big houses, not prisons) is they want a writer to blog, to have a considerable author platform on Facebook, Twitter, and maintain a website. So why do I need them you ask? Well they may offer a small advance and they will have editing and graphic services. Oh and they typically own the book.

One day I may seek them out again, but not for now…

I formatted the book and after bugging friends and family for sales to get it going, which I am grateful for, I finally started selling a few each day. Then I got on a small list that increased sales to 8-10 a day. No record breaker, but movement. Getting it out there. Reaching people.

A couple nuggets I have learned about self or indie publishing:

Pro: You get to control the content and cover of your book, etc.

Con: You get to control the content and cover of your book, etc.

Frankly, building a marketing campaign and author platform is exhausting, but it’s mine.

A close friend recently reminded me about the small stuff and building one’s reach with small literary journals who print short fiction. He reminded me that they have a reader base built in. Novel idea. Or I should say short story idea. So I have added that to my approach and will be sending out a few short pieces to them.

Officially, I am a self-published author braving the elements. However, just like anything else, if people don’t know something exists, it doesn’t. It’s the same idea as the tree falling in the woods with no one there to hear it. It is not a sprint to success but a marathon. It is about being consistent, working hard, and reaching readers one by one. So drink lots of water.

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The Determined Artist

March 22, 2013 by Douglas Robbins

When I finished writing The Reluctant Human I was relieved, elated, and exhausted. Writing a novel is hard work. It took me almost five years of blood, sweat, trial and error, cursing, lots of beer and wine, rewrites, edits, drafts, and a lot of time alone. In volume alone I probably wrote three novels while trying to “figure” out Human. Two of those novels were lines or scenes or ideas that didn’t work: story lines, characters and tones that needed to be cut and thrown on the cutting room floor, figuratively of course. They were really just moved to sit in a file I created for deleted stuff, but it sounds better and more dramatic to say, thrown on the cutting room floor. Hopefully I could find a use for them elsewhere or reinsert if necessary, because parts of me, of my hard work, I was not yet ready to give up on.

But where was the voice in the piece? What was it really about? What was I trying to say Damn It?! Did I want to shock or inspire, depress or anger? Did I want to alienate or upset or write in the broadest way for the most people to like it? My thoughts argued with themselves, you can’t please everyone.

There is a lot to consider when writing a novel. So I decided I would write the book I wanted to read. I would write the book I was looking for in the world. The premise was fairly simple: What happens when we walk away from who we are to become workers only and lose that vibrant calling within? Simple enough but how do I execute it? I worked and worked and worked some more to find the character arch, story and consistency.

Is the book perfect? No. Does it answer some of those answers I hoped to answer? Maybe. Has it inspired some readers and angered others? Yes.

I remember seeing an interview with Alec Baldwin after he won some acting award. The interviewer was gushing over his performance. He looked at her, cut her off, and said, “It’s all failure.” He went on to say nothing is ever as good as we hope it will be the way it is in our minds. But as writers, actors, artists, or architects, we try to get as close to the source and vision as we can. We keep working to hone the craft. As writers, our pens or keyboards are the conduits to express our minds, hearts and souls. It is our purpose for writing at all.

We must do our best at getting it right and yet we’ll probably be very wrong before we get it right or even close to right. Writing is a skill like brain surgery.

Writing is sculpting. Thoughts and ideas for a story start out like a glob of clay, indistinct, yet slowly through time we chisel and chisel and it takes shape, hopefully forming a story similar to what we imagined it to be. Learning the rules and conventions help such as painting within the lines. Then after refinement and hair pulling, I have very little hair left, we can hopefully express ourselves. For me that is the purpose of my life.

It is instinct and necessity why a flower must bloom or a bird must fly. It is their nature.  It is our nature to fulfill what yearns to be said and done. In turn we add to the world and help move it forward. That is our song, blossom, and fragrance.

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About Douglas

Doug Robbins
Douglas Robbins began his writing career at a young age, when one of his teachers asked the class to write a poem. In that moment he found a power in words that he never had found anywhere else.

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Recent Posts

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Recent Posts

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