Hard sleep comes in waves

Troubled men and events

Confusion and repetition

These dreams and events repeat

Until I wake

Nothing horrible is happening

Other than loss and waiting

The men with gnarled faces are waiting too

I wake not scared

but empty

There is an emptiness in waiting

I can scream and wake Jennifer next to me

and the kids down the hall

Instead I cross my hands under my head

not drowsy or tired

But awake in my emptiness

Awake in the clarity of this moment

I know nothing

Yet the clarity is filled with confusion

I am clear about what confuses me

I am clear about the present

It is a hard sleep when I wake with the alarm for work

It is not restful

I am not rested

For tonight I will have these same dreams of waiting

Of wrestling with these men

And there will be no answers