Hard sleep comes in waves
Troubled men and events
Confusion and repetition
These dreams and events repeat
Until I wake
Nothing horrible is happening
Other than loss and waiting
The men with gnarled faces are waiting too
I wake not scared
but empty
There is an emptiness in waiting
I can scream and wake Jennifer next to me
and the kids down the hall
Instead I cross my hands under my head
not drowsy or tired
But awake in my emptiness
Awake in the clarity of this moment
I know nothing
Yet the clarity is filled with confusion
I am clear about what confuses me
I am clear about the present
It is a hard sleep when I wake with the alarm for work
It is not restful
I am not rested
For tonight I will have these same dreams of waiting
Of wrestling with these men
And there will be no answers