Hello all,

I hope everyone is well. Today I am very excited to share with you a short reading from my soon to be released novel Love in a Dying Town.

Here’s the book blurb:

“What would you sacrifice for your child? Dreams? Ambitions? Everything?

Jim Bowen is a single father who struggles with his ex-wife. He still loves her and wants it to work but her toxic personality is devastating to their sweet seven-year-old daughter, Lily.

His grand ambitions of being an architect and building skyscrapers in a big city have eluded him. He’s on edge, working in a factory and living in a dying mid-west town while trying to raise his daughter and teach her right from wrong. The pressures are mounting.

Like the town, he fights on for a better life. That better life may come in the form of a single woman with a child of her own.

Pushed to the limits, they fight through each day, while most of the townspeople hold together like a family relying on each other.

The town that once thrived now hangs on to the past like a fraying thread.

Did they stay too long? Will love save them, or will bitterness destroy them all?

The answers delve deep into the eternal question of what it means to truly love.”

Listen Here:

Podcast

I hope you enjoy it and thanks for the support.

Doug

Check out the podcast here

Keep learning. Keep doing.

Doug

If you enjoy these podcasts, please share them with a friend.

Hello fine people,

I will now be releasing podcast transcripts along with the podcast as some of you have asked for the written version. Hopefully there won’t be too many funny words and phrases. The software transcription originally had “dental discussion” instead of “den of discussion” to start. Oh what a different conversation that would be…

But I digress: Podcast 26. I hope you enjoy. And feel free to read along!

“Hi, welcome to Doug’s Den of Discussion, podcast number 26. Picking up the garbage. So recently my wife and I were down at the Jersey Shore walking along an inlet. We go there often just when we need, a break few days, to recharge and connect to the earth and the ocean as we were walking along this inlet. And there was so much garbage, straws and bags and styrofoam and shoes and everything else. My goodness, all this was coming up from the ocean purging, coming out of the ocean and what else is in there, right? But we were walking past it, trying to ignore it, we hadn’t put it there, right? But there was so much and it just felt like some part of us. We were trying to hide from it, or we didn’t want to look at it. And after a while, it was just so overwhelming. We started picking it up: my wife, my daughter and myself. And it started becoming fun to be honest with you. I mean, it was sickening. I can only imagine the animals that are choking and dying on it. But it became fun and we became kind of immersed in picking up what we could pick up. And so we were loading our you know, hands with it, our pockets with it. And my wife started saying “Oh, if we just could find a big bag.” So further down the inlet there was a little brush going on some some, some dying bushes, lo and behold a big hole-free Glad garbage bag. It appeared when we needed it to when we asked for it. And so we started shoving all this garbage into it. And now we’re on a mission here that we’re gonna pick up all this damn garbage, styrofoam pieces pieces from docks, all sorts of crap, you know, water bottles, plastic bottles that people dropped or beer cans that people were lazy about 1000s of things. So we started picking up and filling it up. And we started seeing other people walking on this little beachy inlet. And they saw what we were doing, the first person or two just said thank you very much for what you’re doing. But then others saw us and started picking it up too. They started picking up garbage when in general we all would have sort of turned a blind eye to the reality around us because we didn’t have anything to do with it. We didn’t put it there right but you can’t turn a blind eye not to the garbage outside of you and not to the garbage inside of you. We want to control everything right? Even when we’re driving with road rage.

“Why is this person driving slow in front of us? Because they it has nothing to do with you and your crap and your garbage. I remember one time I was so angry trying to get somewhere. I had a test maybe I was in college and I remember but someone was going really slow. And I had to pull into a gas station. I literally kicked the door open and almost broke the glass door and everybody turned and looked at me. You feel justified in the minute, I’m angry. Who gives a crap? Everybody’s angry for one reason or another that doesn’t give you the right to spew it upon people. The same thing with like cutting people off on the highway or not letting someone in on an entrance ramp like well, this is my space. No, they’re not getting in front of me. Okay. What is that stress? How is that stress helping you in your life? It’s the same thing with the garbage. We wanted to ignore it. We wanted to avoid it. We didn’t want to look at it. But we had to there was so much of it. We had to let go and pick it up at that point: styrofoam straws, everything else under the sun and now it’s kind of a fun thing when we go to the beach. We look to pick it up we want to do good this ocean gives us so much life and energy and beauty.

We were down there recently on the beach and the first day we walked, you know, we found like a little bag and just kind of picking stuff up along the way. We do that as sort of the first round when we’re out there. And then the next day, we walked onto the beach and we’re thinking, Oh, we really need some bags. I swear to God this happened. My wife was about five feet in front of me, she found a large, Ziploc glad bag, like a big, you know, freezer bag kind of thing. Pretty large one. And then five feet in front of me. I found another one exactly the same. No other bags on the beach, no other garbage in that area perfectly intact. When we started doing our business, it was almost like th ocean said, “Here you go, you want to help. I appreciate the help here are some bags for you.” And that’s life, right? those doors open. When you’re flowing in that sort of integrity. It’s similar, you know, the amount of stress we cause ourselves by fighting what’s in front of us. Fighting the truth of who we are, fighting where we’re trying to go.

Ever walk on a hiking trail? And you see someone up ahead, and it’s kind of a weird, awkward thing, right? There’s no one else around there’s maybe guy or gal 100 feet away walking towards you. And the brain’s like I don’t know, I should look away. Look my feet. Should I say hello? Should I not say hello? Should I grunt? Maybe it’s just me because I’m half crazy, perhaps. But it’s so easy to just say hello, right, and stop all the dramatics that the brain is creating. So, when you’re out there, No, you didn’t put that garbage there. But we’re all part of the problem. And we’re all part of the solution. Right? If everybody just thinks so who cares? Indifference reigns, right? We all have to care. We are all interconnected with each other and we were all connected to this earth. This earth provides for us, everything we get comes from this earth. And it’s amazing how often we are defying it, defiling it with our indifference and our arrogance. That’s it. Pick up the garbage. We’re all in this together. Have a great day.”

Suffering is a word that transcends culture and nations, left and right. It is a word and concept many writers are all too familiar with.

Dylan Thomas drank himself to death. J.D. Salinger lived reclusively in New Hampshire producing few works. Hemingway and Hunter S. Thompson killed themselves. But was all this suffering necessary?

When Suffering Defines Us

Shyness and low self-esteem followed me as a child. Doubts became beliefs and those beliefs led me down the road of life.

I loved baseball and excelled at it. Win or lose didn’t matter as long as I played. When I moved into the bigger leagues I stumbled not knowing how to ask for help. I ended up walking away thinking I was no good, though a year earlier I led the league in doubles, triples, and homeruns.

Was it true that all of sudden I sucked?

No, it was my mind telling me and I believed it. I walked away from what I loved.

Have you ever done that with writing?

Quit writing because the world rejected you or the skies didn’t open when you finished a piece?

How many times do we walk away from something we love out of fear or rejection?

 How many times have we run from something that might just be amazing?

Those painful emotions – fear, disappointment, sadness – can be so strong as to overwhelm what we love and keep us stuck in a place of misery.

However, it led me to recently ask, what is suffering, and can it ever be good?

I’ve heard about people who suffer and are destroyed, and others who suffer and accomplish great things. Let’s take a closer look at the differences between good and bad suffering.

Bad Suffering

Bad suffering is chronic affecting our disposition and point of view, our beliefs and self-image. It affects how we live as it seeps into our bones and thoughts, into the heart of who we are. It blocks us from those sunnier horizons. It blocks us from love and opportunities.

The pain from hitting your funny bone against a door is temporary like a rejection letter should be. It sucks, and after hopping around cursing for a while, you move on.

There’s a difference between temporary pain and long-term suffering. Remember, suffering is created in the mind.

“Bad” suffering taps into a lack of self-worth that can make us question our very existence.

Why am I even here? No one cares if I write.

The rejection should only be temporary and not stop us from pursuing our goals. If the mind relates it to not being worthy or a failure it can stop us in our tracks.

Those emotions need to be addressed. It’s something writing success won’t cure. I know, I’ve tried.

You think the writing is hard then you send out queries and first pages or you market yourself and spend what few dollars you have on ads then hear crickets. That result is not about you. Only what you’ve tried.

Perfect sentences don’t exist. Excellent sentences do. I’ve known writers that keep rewriting the same sentence until it’s “perfect” and all that happens is they run out of gas.

Bad suffering stops us from moving forward. Perfect is something none of us will ever be. Keep working at that thing called craft. Work the clay like Rodin.

Suffering is found in the thoughts we are thinking that keep us stuck in the beliefs we hold onto.

Writers write in isolation. We’re inclined to introspection and were usually sensitive kids. As adults, we must ask: Are we still holding onto those pains and limiting beliefs?

When I was a young writer, I believed I had to suffer to understand life. I struggled with depression.

In certain places within, I felt empty, loveless, wanting to die. I wanted writing to save me. I wanted external forces to help me put my broken pieces back together—for someone to come along and dust me off.

I wanted my characters to be better, bolder, nobler than I’ve been. I wanted them to be seen, heard, witnessed.

I wanted the world to love me where I didn’t love myself. Now that’s some bad suffering.

Struggling is about waiting for the huge best-seller to save us and make everything right, but it can’t.

Years back I had a sweet manuscript about young love and a mother dying of cancer. My mother had recently died of cancer and I wanted to honor her. The book was called Dawn and I couldn’t get an agent. It broke me. I walked away, the same I had with baseball.

Bad suffering keeps us stuck in that same repeating moment, that same beat and memory, that limiting belief we experience over and over again.

Suffering is a normal part of life that happens to all of us. However, it’s the choice of what we do with it and how long we hold onto it that matters.

What is “Good” Suffering?

Good suffering is doing something uncomfortable that moves you forward. Simultaneously, it begins breaking up the old suffering piece by piece, bird by bird as Anne Lamott said in her excellent book on the writing life of the same name.

Good suffering is putting yourself out there, taking risks, embracing fear, trying something new.

Good suffering places you outside the comfort zone.

Fear what if I fail? Nothing. Stay focused on the end goal. Failing is a part of strengthening the mind.

What if I don’t go for it? Well, then you’ve already failed.

Babies who are crawling and trying to get up learn how to walk by falling down and building strength pushing themselves up again.

Good suffering builds that strength.

On a whim, I pitched this blog idea to Jane Friedman thinking she’ll never respond. My doubting mind said, I’m not a big enough writer.

I was wrong. She was gracious and responded that very same day.

Good suffering brings us closer to happiness and dreams.

In life we are going to suffer, it’s part of the deal, but will the suffering bury us or will we learn to heal and strengthen ourselves?

Both are choices with very different mindsets and results.

If writing is the dream, defeat is not the goal, and the big scary monster is just big and scary and self-made. Because it’s self-made, it can be self-unmade, piece by piece, fang by fang, bird by bird.

My wife is a business coach. She uses a tool with her clients called A Tasks. A Tasks move us forward with small attainable goals. Send an email here. Do a podcast there. Whereas B Tasks are stuff we’d be doing anyway. A Tasks move us toward our goals. B Tasks keep us going.

Make small shifts. Do it now. Not tomorrow. Write a sentence, a paragraph. Reach out to that agent or send that blog pitch, ask for help. We all need each other in this world to fulfill our dreams.

Do it for you, not what the demographic might want, or your parents, or friends.

We can’t run from old pains. We can meditate, sit without judgment and I guarantee that pain will loosen up and eventually diminish and all that trapped energy will be yours again.

As Navy Seal Ultra Marathon runner and author of Can’t Hurt Me, David Goggins says, “Without friction there is no growth. On the other side of suffering is greatness. We must go to the dark side. Light is found there. Fear of what other people think shackles the mind. Win the war in your head and you will find peace.”

Taking steps forward takes courage. It’s natural to be afraid putting yourself out there. It opens you up to criticism. But it also opens you to that greatness Goggins speaks about. Being afraid, as author and speaker Brene Brown (famous for her Ted Talk) would say, there is no courage without risk.

How do you turn suffering into happiness?

Change the environment, change your thoughts and beliefs. Feed your mind different ideas.

It’s a battle.

So is completing a novel and dealing with rejections, falling down and getting up again.

Every boxer takes it on the chin sometimes. So does every writer.

Let yourself grieve and feel the emotions.

Be present. Stop living in the past.

Be vulnerable. There is truth and power found there.

Conclusion

Bad suffering is when you feel sorry for yourself, sit around moping all day giving your power away, feeling like a victim.

Bad suffering is wanting to connect to writers and agents, but you’re too afraid to pay for a seminar and go for fear of rejection.

Good suffering is being afraid but going anyway because what you seek may be found there. Afterall, your dreams are found on the other side of suffering.

With “good” suffering you are making a decision, taking action, and opening doors.

With “bad” suffering you are still making a choice, but it’s a disempowered choice. You are choosing to go nowhere.

The difference is in the outcome. The results.

If you really want to live that thing in your heart, it’s going to take suffering and mental toughness to break through. The first steps out of the comfort zone will be tough.

Meeting an agent, going up to someone is scary because it’s our most vulnerable self.

This is why it’s so important to know the difference between suffering that will lead to success and suffering that only leads to more suffering.

There is a difference.

You can choose.

You always have a choice.

It doesn’t matter how small that choice may seem, it can yield huge results. Reach out to a blogger, a marketing person, or run an ad. Write that next paragraph even if the preceding one stunk. Keep moving forward.

Decide to do something today, not next week or tomorrow. Right now.

Take back your power.

Allow yourself out. The world needs you. Most importantly, you need you.

Hello Everyone,

I hope all is well. Just a few things:

I have continued to create podcasts. The newest one should drop tomorrow entitled A Truth Deep Within. However, I stopped sending them in blog posts. I didn’t want to bombard you with them. Yet, if you’re interested you can find them on iTunes or Spotify at Douglas Robbins – Den of Discussion.

On another note, I have been finishing up a novella entitled Gaia’s Revenge. It’s about how the earth is pushing back creating a toxin that acts like a virus. The earth has done this because it has turned toxic with pollution and this is its defense mechanism.

That should be out in the coming months.

Stay tuned for another blog in the coming days.

Thank you for your ongoing support. It is immeasurable.

I hope to have more socially conscious content out there soon.

Stay Safe,

DR

Playing small? Stuck in the past? The power is in the Now. Check out my latest episode.

If you haven’t subscribed, please fill out the form below for info and events, or if you just like filling out forms.