What is it to be authentic? Are we suffering? Stuck? There are reasons.

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Why do we write? What happens if we don’t? Does it matter? What if no one reads our works?

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Hi, I’ve decided to begin video blogging. There are things I’ve wanted to say and maybe the written word has kept me hidden from saying them. The subjects will range from writing, to struggle, to living a purposeful life.

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Today is Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday and it is a national holiday. Public employees have it off while many private employees do not.

This is a “floating” holiday for many, like Veterans Day has also become. I don’t know how you “float” celebration of MLK Jr. or Veterans or what he or they have done for this nation. A holiday is just that, to acknowledge on a national level some part of our history and what makes us who we are.

Is national pride and history a choice? It is if we allow it be swept under the rug.

President’s Day is a combination of what used to be two separate holidays: Lincoln’s Birthday and Washington’s – two obviously important leaders. Without them, we wouldn’t be here. Lincoln had to make a crucial decision about slavery that was tearing the nation apart and Washington fought against all odds, though the military was outgunned by the British and had little money. After winning and there being a power vacuum, several generals encouraged Washington to become king. He said no, this is to be a republic and he handed back the power after the war had ended. He fought for a new world. Washington put his life and career on the line as did many soldiers who fought barefoot and without pay.

We used to have both days off. We honored them. We celebrated them. Now no one gets President’s Day off(except for school kids), and no one pays it as much mind. All presidents, good and bad, should not be lumped into this day. These two days, their birthdays, were to honor these two great Americans.

And now today, a day of divisiveness, Martin Luther King Jr’s birthday. Many companies let you float the time as if it’s just some meaningless day to go to the DMV, and yet the DMV is closed. By making this a floating paid day off, or pto, we diminish the importance of this man and the absolute searing indignation endured during the civil rights period and the hundreds of years leading up to it. Now I can float it and go to the dentist on a later date, not caring or even noticing it has come at all.

How do African-Americans, how do we as a people, with our history of slavery, not stop and acknowledge with reflections upon our past? If we are working a full day, it is hard to. By reducing the meaning of these national holidays we reduce our heritage and integrity by brushing them under the rug.

The leaders who formed this nation were rebels themselves, challenging the old ways through bloodshed and sacrifice to forge new ones. All of these great men deserve their day of respect and acknowledgement.

And we damn well better pay attention soon. Not only public workers but ALL WORKERS!

We are Americans and it’s time we started acting like it again. We cannot move forward from the past by hiding and allowing big business to dictate what and who we honor, how and when.

I never wanted kids.

At least that’s what I thought. I was too busy writing and exploring this country, quitting jobs when I had enough cash, or even when I didn’t.

However, I never felt I was missing anything.  It never weighed on me. Never was I concerned with perpetuating my name and certainly I had no desire to perpetuate the human race.

It seemed as if my spark was to flare up then burn out, and that would be that.

In my early forties I was still not married. Rebellious, I never cared for institutions and legal documents governing my life.

Through those years women pressured me to marry them, yet I resisted, knowing they weren’t right.

Some thought I was selfish. Nope, just stubborn.

But when life presented the right woman to love passionately, I knew in an instant that I would marry her. She also happened to have three children. This was certainly not what I expected, yet I jumped on in knowing it was right.

Some friends didn’t understand. Those same ones judged and condemned me that it would never work. A few others thought I’d stay a single free-spirit roaming the roads and earth alone.

In some ways, I didn’t fully understand it myself. But love and one’s path isn’t always something you lay out on a table with facts and reason. The truth is I had always sought answers to life’s pockets of emptiness.

I’ve heard people say- By thirty I want kids and a house. I’ve done it myself with other things, but life doesn’t care about our time-frames, demands, and equations.

Before meeting Jen, one week earlier, I’d left my apartment and was staying with a friend. I had no job and little money. A long month later we were living together and a part of me finally found peace.

This past fall, late October, I was outside with Adam (my twelve year-old step-son) and Jessica (my five year-old step-daughter) throwing a Nerf football. There was a small breeze then a booming gust. About a hundred feet up at the top of the oak tree leaves began blowing and gently spread across the sky. One by one they floated in an ethereal wave together like starlings, thousands of them floating and drifting with the wind then dropping.

I ran inside to get my camera. When I came back out the leaves laid prostrate on the lawn and driveway.

“I missed them.” Disappointed, I said to Adam, with camera in my hand.

“No, you didn’t.” he said. “You got to see them.”

The kids began chasing each other and I looked up at the tree now standing silently after releasing its children.

“Adam, catch.” I threw him a bomb at the far-end of the lawn.

He missed it as the Nerf bounced off Jessica’s head still chasing him unaware of the descending ball. She dove on top. Adam tried to get the ball from under her, but she got up and ran with it over to me.

“Here you go, daddy.” Yes, she now calls me daddy. I swear sweeter words were never uttered. She bent and picked up a leaf studying it, then handed me the leaf.
“Now you have one.” She smiled her big smile standing close to me. The temptation to chase Adam again was too great. She zoomed away and I stood there.

After roaming the earth like a nomad seeking answers, I’ve finally found a few. Years have past with my family and certain answers have been found. However, I still roam the earth, though less frequently, seeking other ones.